A humble gift

A reprint of a few recent notes, random thoughts and bad poetry

These are a few notes that came to my mind after the poetic prompt and insightful question I received recently here in substack: "did your daddy cutoff your genitals with a buzzsaw when you were 9?”. These and other similar messages I received allowed to write this:

✨🎁✨

You are the universe in disguise.

yes, you. You can't hide it. I catch you. I know what you are.

You hold an infinite myriad of experiences, feelings, thoughts, dreams, memories, fears, hopes, desires, doubts, strengths, vulnerabilities, sorrows, joys, contradictions, wisdom...

And you are okay, as you are.

The universe is endowed with an unimaginable order. Everything is in its proper place. Infinitely small atoms and particles intertwine, interact, complement each other and create an immense mechanism that the human mind can never, even remotely, conceive.

And it is okay, as it is.

And you are always that.

And you are okay, as you are.

You are always that, every moment.

No matter if you yell at me, hate me, or send insults, rage, or resentment...

No matter if you practice basketball, running, reiki, vipassana, zazen, crochet or if you are ruminating and overthinking all day long....

No matter what, you are always an universe of experiences, feelings, thoughts, dreams, memories, fears, hopes, desires, doubts, strengths, vulnerabilities, sorrows, joys, contradictions, wisdom...

and not only you…. everyone is

even a drop of water is that.

or a spot of dust.

There are everywhere universes, as in an eternal dance. Simple see by yourself how huge is the world.

Have you noticed the overwhelming details of just a tiny spot of dust?

Some say we all are stardust.

I don't know what we all are, really

I only know that...

...seeing the world

...seeing others

...seeing the magnitude of the universe

from the humble perspective

of a limited human mind...

...is a pretty good reason to be in awe of you

of all of you

of everything that is.

And appreciate all this

and be grateful

and be love,

and take my thoughts as a joke,

and love them,

appreciating, accepting everything.

What is everything?

Maybe everything is just a big joke

I love jokes...

oh silly me, just noticed how silly are these words!

and how silly I am to think the world spins around me!

what is this me, by the way?

maybe....

a living dream...

a joke...

a breathe...

a gaze...

who knows...

isn't...this mystery...

a gift?

a gift to be grateful for...

and the most precious gift...

is...

you!

Without your gaze, this universe would not exist.

You are the most precious gift.

Yes, you are.

So thank YOU

for being you.

You are a gift to us all,

All your bits of stardust are
a very precious gift.

Good morning my love,

I love you

no matter what you do,

no matter if you ignore me,

no matter if you don't give a fuck about me,

no matter if you hate me.

I love you, my love.

No matter what you think of me,

no matter if you don’t message me anymore,

no matter if you send me more messages like the DM I've just received:

"we know where you live and where your children go to school. you all are dead already"

Here is my heart,

take it.

This is my blood,

drink it.

It's yours.

If you breathe, I am like you.

I am…because you are.

I can't live without you.

Love does not need to be accepted

to be received,

since you are love

already

now

take my heart,

it’s yours.

My love,

Yes, you are whole ✨🙏

Well, everyone is.

Aren't they?

Only maybe they forgot what they are…

But they are.

Only me…

Me…

This thing called “me”…

mmmh… what I am?

I forgot…

what the heck I am? 🤔

Dammit, this Alzheimer of mine… 🤷

No worries, my love,

I am healing

thanks to you.

I don't need to know your face

I don't need anything

to say loud and clear

I love you!

since I love myself

even if I don't know me

even if I don't know you.

This.

This anxiety.

This shame.

This guilt.

This uneasiness.

This loneliness.

All this is happening now.

All this is.

All this is divine.

All this is the Most Merciful.

All this is the Most Compassionate.

All this is the Guardian, the Witness, the Overseer.

All this is the Constant Forgiver.

All this is the All-Hearing, the All-Seeing.

All this is the Subtle One.

Ok, ok, ok… so what the heck can I do now with all this?

Easy…

I can be, accept, love, embrace all this…

... or I can always think: How could I change this into something else? 🤔

... only a fool would think that…

... and even the fool would be embraced, loved…

by all this…

I have a friend who challenged us

to transform hell into heaven.

We were thinking and thinking

for ages

for the solution.

One day she said

It's easy!

You need nothing!

You already are in heaven!

You just need to stop thinking!

What the hell…

I think she is nuts…

She is so wrong…

We are not in heaven..

We are heaven.

Now.

We don't need to seek to be in the present…

We are the present.

Always.

Every moment is the present.

We are every moment this.

What fool would want to find heaven?

Heaven is this.

This moment.

You are heaven.

This is what you are.

Every moment.

No matter what you think,

you won't stop thinking

until you die.

So live.

Be what you are.

Love.

Be love.

Be what you are

now,

this moment,

every moment.

There's nothing to do.

It's irremediable.

You always are you.

Aren't you alive?