Something different

Hey, my ego deserves to be loved too—sweet ego of mine.

When I committed this week to start writing a book about Agape (ἀɣάπη, unconditional love), I was such a silly idiot.

Yeah… Agape is everywhere, in everything. Unconditional love is what allows flowers to bloom, the sun to rise every day, and mothers to scream, yell, and suffer while birthing new life…and so on... Agape…the amorous gaze…in awe of existence…admiring what is…eternally being…since the beginning of time.

And imho no human can fully grasp, understand, realize what it truly is.

Agape is everywhere, in everything. Simply look beyond thoughts, beyond words, through the gaze of a newborn.

So what the heck was I thinking about….holy cow…promising that I can write about EVERYTHING??? Such a presumptuous dream

1. I am 54, so obviously I have no longer the innocent and loving gaze of a baby born.

2. Beyond thoughts? I am a chronical overthinker…

3. Beyond words? We’re talking about a book, dude…books typically have words…

Well this does not mean I surrender to the challenge of writing this book…I will write a book. And it will describe my limited, narrow perspective about Love.

Well…I am human, anyway.

And this human has, as everyone of us, an ego that I guess it’s here for a reason.

Is there any better reason to exist, than…to be loved?

mmmhh….this makes me think…

Do you exist? Yes?

Then here you are, a proof that you are loved.

Ok ok ok… so my Ego exists, so it deserves to be loved.

And I know…I know this is not TikTok nor Instagram, but I decided today to let my ego show up, let my most narcissist, egocentric and exhibionist side be here…fasten your seatbelts…

Today I’ll write about myself, my ego and the narcissist in me.

Some of you may already know I am catalan, I am 54 and have adopted in India and Madagascar two precious gifts of life, they are the bestest and most precious children in the world…in the Universe….My wife is the most loving sweet and beautiful woman on Earth and I’m in love with her since more than 25 years now.

Ok enough bla bla bla, lets talk about me me me.

You probably haven’t seen a picture or video of me here on Substack because I’m too handsome to appear without causing a major earthquake and emotional crisis in thousands—who said thousands?—millions of admirers.

So this is the first time ever I appear in Substack in video form.

Prepared? Ready?

Go:

What??

Too fast for you?

Oh come on….You don’t give attention to what matters….

I was running at a normal pace…

I promise it was recorded and played at 1x speed. Promise.

In fact it was this morning, at kilometer 26. I was not even sweating. And I had no wildboar 🐗and no cow 🐄behind me. Then I’m much much much faster.

So here you are, another opportunity to admire me in all my splendor…this time in slow motion:

No, I’m not the weed there in the foreground.

I cursed all of that weed’s ancestors when I saw it in the foreground taking the spotlight after all the effort to record this silly TikTok video. Dammit. I wasn’t aware art could be so hard, tedious, and nerve-wracking.

So what I am?

I am not that mountain, either.

That huge mass of muscles moving with athletic precision, flying so fast and so efficiently to save vital energy and break all speed records of nature…that…that’s also not me.

That was a mosquito, yes, if you zoom in, you’ll see she.

I know it was a female because females are the only ones doing the real work.

She passed me and took the lead of the race, leaving me behind.

These mosquitoes always defeat me. It’s so humiliating.

And you know what’s more humiliating? When I reached my destination, I swimmed a little bit in the lake and someone stole my clothes.

Guess how I did my 28km back home.

This was soooo shameful… Yeah, I know—etymologically, “shame” in Middle English means "nakedness, private parts, the genitals," as in the Wycliffite Bible's shameful thingis for Latin verecundiora, and shamfast membris for the male genitalia.

This was the narcissistic end of my morning today…

Yes, narcissists carry a lot of shame—from mistakes made in the past, fear of not being enough, to fear of criticism. For many narcissists, facing shame is incredibly difficult. To admit shame means becoming vulnerable, letting go of control, and facing fear head-on.

Shame is an essential emotion; we all have it, and it is often misunderstood. Facing my shame is necessary to create meaningful relationships, build healthy friendships, and strengthen my self-esteem.

Luckily, I found a Platanus hispanica leaf to face my shame and hide my shamfast membris on the way back, so now my self-esteem is off the charts.

Am I banned from Substack now?😱